


An *UNEXPECTED* Party

by Tofudonut



Series: An *UNEXPECTED* Series [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Female Bilbo, Gen, bilba
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 08:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4214481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tofudonut/pseuds/Tofudonut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilba knocks the dwarves out when they show up at her house because someone (Gandalf) didn't tell her they were coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An *UNEXPECTED* Party

**Author's Note:**

> The **Bold** is Bilba's thoughts.

Bilba had just made herself a small dinner and was sitting at the table in her kitchen taking a moment to smell the beautiful food before her. It smelled heavenly.

There was a heavy knock on the door just as she was about to cut into her plate. **Who could that be?** She set down her fork and walked over to the door. **It must be Gandalf? I forgot he was coming.** She pulled open the door. “You have perfect timing. I was just about to have din-” she stopped mid sentence when she looked up to find, not gandalf, but a rather frightening dwarf.

“Dwalin” The Dwarf said, “At your service.” he bowed, “Where’s the food?” Dwalin, apparently, pushed her aside and went into the kitchen. She walked in after him, shutting the door. **What the hell? Is he trying to rob me?** She looked at him as he ate, rather violently, her small dinner. **What do I do?** She looked over his prone, muscular body. **He is far too big and looks way too strong for me to fight.** She looked around as panic began to rise in her stomach. Spotting a pan hanging behind Dwalin she slowly began to inch over toward it.

“Rolls.” Dwalin demanded. Bilba ran over to the basket behind him and set it onto the table beside him. His large bear paw was quickly shoved into the basket grabbing three at a time. **Now’s my chance!** Bilba spun around and grabbed the pan off the wall. Taking a deep breath she lifted the pan above her head and brought it down on his.

After the loud thunk Dwalin crumbled to the ground. He laid there unmoving at her feet. **Is he dead? Did I kill him?** Panic came back with a vengeance as she struggled to roll him onto his back. She felt his heart beat steadily in his throat and sighed in relief.

Bilba’s head snapped up when she heard another knock. **It’s Gandalf!** She felt a weight lifted from her shoulders. **Wait. I can’t just leave him here.** She looked over to Dwalin. **I can’t just let Gandalf walk into this! He may think I...I don’t know! But I can’t have a body on the floor!** Bilba shouted, “Just a moment,” as she dragged Dwalin into the hallway. **He’s too heavy.** Her eyes landed on the closet. **Perfect!** She dragged him over to the closet and twisted his limbs about until he fit, slamming the door shut. She rushed to open the door, “Gandalf!”

Another dwarf with white hair stood before her, looking concerned. “I’m afraid I’m not Gandalf.” he said, “Balin, At your service.” he bowed as Dwalin had. **What the hell is going on? Calm down! Maybe if I’m careful I could just play it off and make him leave.** Before she can say a word he let himself in. **Is he with the other one? An accomplice!** She quietly picked up her pan as the Dwarf, Balin, pulled off his coat and hung it next to the other.

“Oh,” Balin said, “I see, Dwalin has arrived.” Bilba opened her mouth to distract him some how when the closet door opened. Dwalin fall out with a loud thump behind Balin.

“Dwalin!” Balin yelled when he turned to see his brother on the floor, unconscious. **Now!** Bilba whacked Balin over the head with the pan.

She stepped over Balin and pushed Dwalin back into the closet. She was sweating and panting as she looked down at the other one. **Why are dwarves so heavy?** She pulled Balin over and twisted him this way and that until he was squished into the small closet along with his brother. Bilba shut the door and looked about. **Where is that key?**

Finding the key in one of the many drawers in her vanity she locked the closet and slid down to sit with her back against it. **Good now they won't fall out...But what am I going to do with them?** She let out a groan. **Gandalf will be here soon.** She was sure he would, and of course. **He’ll know what to do.**

The door again. She shot up and opened the door, “Thank God you're here!”

Two dwarves stared in confusion. She let them, well, they let themselves in, once they had introduced themselves as Fili and Kili. She didn't know what to do? If she hit one the other would kill her.

“Where’s the food?” the one with blonde hair and a braided mustache, Fili, said.

“In the pantry.” Bilba said shakily, pointing in the direction that led to the pantry. Fili walked to the back of the house in search of food and she was left with the other. Kili was a bit taller than the other and had dark brown hair with a bit of stubble on his chin. Quickly taking her chance Bilba bonked Kili on the back of the head, before heading after the other.

The Blonde was reaching up to the top shelf, bringing down a few jars of jam and pickles when he turned. Bilba quickly hit him in the forehead before he had any time to think or fight back.  

Bilba gripped the pan and walked into the hall sitting on her mother's dirt covered trunk. She looked over at the brunette laying face down across the dining room floor and then to the locked closet. **Hopefully Gandalf will be here soon.**

The door shook as a hard knock hit the wood. **I’m ready for you this time!** Bilba tightened her grip on the pan as she opened the door, ready for a fight. She saw a hand full of dwarves before her and started frantically waving her pan and yelling in panic, hitting the closest three or four dwarves. When Gandalf's voice shouted out for her to stop she almost didn’t believe it was real.

She froze at the sound and ran to him as he stepped into her house. She clung to his robes thanking every God she could that he was here. Tears streamed down her face as she told him about the other dwarves and what she had done.

“I was so scared! What took you so long?” He looked shocked for a moment.

“Where are they now?” Gandalf asked just then Ori shouted from the next room.

The group of dwarves rushed into find Kili sprawled across the floor of the dining room.

“Kili!” One yelled

“Is he still alive?” another asked.

“He’s fine,” another answered checking Kili over, “Just unconscious.”

There was some shuffling and thuds coming from the hall and again they ran, as a group, into the hall. Shyly Bilba walked over to the closet and unlocked it. Slowly opening the door as two dwarves fell out on to the floor, both sporting large bumps on the backs of their heads and splitting headaches.

“Dwalin! Balin!” The others yelled running over to help them up.

“What the hell happened?” Dwalin asked as Balin groaned.

Gandalf turned to Bilba, “Are there any other dwarves you have hidden away?” Blushing a bit Bilba guided him and a few dwarves to the pantry, where they found Fili laying on his back with a sizeable lump on his forehead.

The dwarves lifted the poor dwarven prince onto their shoulders and carried him to the living room, where the others were gathering the injured to get checked and taken care of.

As Oin looked after the hurt, Bilba explained what happened and why she knocked the dwarves out. Then turned to yell at Gandalf for not explaining what was going on first.

“You would not have let me bring them if you knew.” She grumbled knowing it was true.

The door sounded again and Bilba walked over with all able dwarves behind him. She opened the door to find yet another dwarf standing on her porch.

Bilba moved out of his way as he greeted Gandalf, completely ignoring the hobbit. Thorin, as Gandalf called him, walked into the living room freezing as he saw Dwalin and Balin holding their heads, Fili and Kili passed out, layed on the floor side by side, with Fili's forehead red and puffy.

“What happened here?” He asked in a deep rumble.

“That happened.” Dwalin answered pointing at the little hobbit lass hiding behind Gandalf's leg. Thorin stared down at the fragile looking woman. Her small, thin, body, then back at the seasoned warrior, his adviser, his nephews. Lastly he looked up at Gandalf and gave a nod of approval before walking into the living room to start the meeting.


End file.
